Evacuate the Dancefloor

"Remember, this is what you love to do."

Have you ever found yourself caught somewhere? Between a hard place and an uncomfortable place, I think they call it? I don't mean literally of course, but that feeling you get that squeezes your chest or instead of productivity, you feel this compelling urge to sit on the floor not knowing what to do next.

It's not quite the feeling of jumping of a cliff or doing something scary.

I think it's different because when you jump of the cliff, your mind can still comfort itself by knowing that you don't really have to do it or it will only affect your life for a millisecond.

Yet, this feeling that I'm talking about consumes you - it eats you up inside.

Perhaps, you have the chance to avoid but that chance has long since fluttered away in the wind due to some other expectation of you.

So, you can't say no and you really don't want to say yes.

But you have to say yes.

That's when you throw yourself on the ground and pout. There are no tears, simply frustrating.

It isn't like I'm in any terrible plight right now. Don't worry about me. I just feel a sense of confusion. Like, I'm on the brink of something but not quite there yet and I'm afraid I'm going to fail but I know that everyone everywhere is afraid to fail at one point or another. Often times, it may be the accumulation of many different successes and failures.

Yet, I think I'm so close that's it's really irritating to have to make that last ditch sprint to the end using all you have left.

It's like in track: Often times, I feel as if I didn't try hard enough because my team mates will cross the finish line and collapse or throw up. There body is totally out of control. Yet, I cross the finish line perfectly fine. Sure I'm breathing hard, sweating, and maybe a little unstable, but I just walk away, perfectly fine.

That's when I get nervous.

I guess what I'm saying is that it's easy to envy the person who threw up until its your turn and you are pretty sure your breakfast 8 hours ago is going to end up in your hair.

That would certainly be unpleasant.

For all I know, my hormones are awry and making everything seem suspicious.

Procrastination is definitely going to be my downfall.

From another angle, life still goes on and its nice to have the fall back that I'll always have a chance to be somebody. I still can be like, Okay, world, listen up, here I am and I'm still alive and that is all that matters because if I'm still alive I can still do things.

And the things I do, they're infinite.

Perhaps, that's the scariest and this feeling is Mother Nature's way of saying, Ha! I'm getting you back!

Feeling infinite makes you feel smaller, in a sense. There are fifty million roads to choose from and if you stop moving because you're debating where to go, you're not making any progress anyway. Then lets say you trip and fall or you take the wrong turn, you're still going somewhere.

What's the worst that can happen, you die? Is that really so bad and anyways, it's not like you're Edward Cullen or anything. There is no infinite age. You are simply infinite but then you reach death and that's all we know until the next book comes out and even then, you're reading this book and you're reading through it so fast you skip over the little details that change you're reading comprehension and then you're lost again.

I don't know, I just always thought it was strange how people can take one path but still end up on someone's path. You'd think with so many choices, you'd never find anyone but then, of course you do because you're human and humans have special powers like that.

Finding other humans to interact with - that's a superpower and it's the best one to have.

Like I always say, pigeons are beautiful. There chest is like an old rainbow - slightly antique and very vintage. If you only say one pigeon in your whole life because of its rarity, you would be impressed and you'd stop to take a photo.

Yet, everyone you know has the human super power. Some have it less than others some have it more - you know what I speak of.

Perhaps, with a little elbow grease, you can push away from the hard place but then you'll just wind up in another spot with a rock pressing against your rib cage instead of your thigh but it's what you love to do, so it doesn't matter since the last page of the book we read before hand.